Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
