I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
