That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize