Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
