Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
