There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
