I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
