Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
