Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
