I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
