Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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