Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We are all done wearing pants today
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
