my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
