was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
