The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
