mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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