Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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