I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
