i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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