Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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