You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize