I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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