I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I will pee on everything he values.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
