I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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