i think my mom watched the whole time
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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