You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
