I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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