i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
