I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's official drugs can't kill me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
