I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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