I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
