sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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