giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
