Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
