Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
