I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
