Already got asked if we're dating
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
