please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
