she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
