Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
