THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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