She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
