in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
