i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
