He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
