i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
