playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize