my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
