I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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