Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
