went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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