did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
