I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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