What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
