He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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