Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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