I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
