My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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