so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
