More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
