she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize