tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
