Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
