last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize