idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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