seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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