Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
