Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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