Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
