Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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