First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
