he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
