never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize