You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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